Hello blog , I recently got a package from Istanbul turkey, its happen because a novel called Negeri 5 Menara was inspiring me to search any free books from worldwide

at least more than 8 books inside it

Aaaa love it ! thankyou hakikat kitabevi for sending me that useful books ! syukran katsiran..

.

Path has been uninstalled! I think social media are so addictive and sometimes made me feel like a woman 👩 who had social media's autism. So here I am trying to do some social media detoxification by uninstalling some unimportant kinds of social media. I wish I could be a better human/woman after that :)

we aren't life in a stoopid race, baby

This year my age is turning into 22th. Gak kerasa banget jalannya waktu dari umur 17 taun sampe sekarang. Time flies so fast. People change , everything was changed slowly. Satu persatu achievement berhasil diraih , satu persatu teman mulai berubah, tp perubahan ini pertanda kalo kami semua sudah dewasa. Ikut senang kalo denger cerita-cerita mereka and i was like "anjir waktu cepet amat ya, itu temen aku yg itu kyk masih kemarin main bareng , alay bareng, eh sekarang dia udah ini aja itu aja"
Pada awalnya emang sempet ngerasa kayak liat temen kerja pengen cepet kerja juga , liat temen bisa beli ini dan itu pake uang sendiri , liat temen udah mulai serius sama pasangannya , pada awalnya pressurenya kerasa banget. Terutama dari orangtua yg sering banget cerita tentang anak2 temen2nya. Tapi seiring jalannya waktu Alhamdulillah udah bisa mikir jernih and face it dengan kepala dingin.
I remember when I was senior high, I used to think that I need to prove my life somehow on a winning streak. Dari situ aku mulai ikut physics Olympiad club di sekolah dan setelah beberapa kali ikut kompetisi, sempat berada di 10 Besar Olimpiade fisika se jawa Bali tahun 2011 bersama Salah satu anggota timku. Kalo boleh jujur, semua itu kuperjuangkan hanya karena tidak ingin diremehkan oleh orang-orang di sekitarku pada waktu itu. Tapi , setelah beberapa pencapaian yang kudapatkan , semuanya tidak lantas membuatku berhenti dibanding-bandingkan. Then I got so tired and even more under pressure , aku merasa aku hanya Akan jadi orang yang naif jika tujuanku cuma approval dan notices dari orang lain. Aku merasa kasian sekali sama diri sendiri.
Dari pengalaman itu kali ini aku belajar untuk lebih cuek dan tutup telinga. Kayak happiness is from within kind of life gitu , hidup ini menyenangkan sekali , the approval that I need to get is only from myself. My life is better. Jgn coba bikin semuanya jadi bitter. Jadi sekarang aku berusaha bodo amat even my friends , my cousins or people around me got this got that, my 'rival' got internship in a long place abroad, I just give an attention but don't really care because they are not me. I'm a person of my own. I'm on my way. I'll make my own track And I'm out of this stupid race 🏁 . I know when my time is come , my time will come because actually comparison is truly the thief of our joy. Jadi...Buat apa balapan yakan ?

1st post in 2017

Hello blog, it's 2 weeks since my last post , now we stand in 2017 ! Woohooo . I wouldn't make any of same mistake and I'd like to move forward for the better this year. I'll building my capacity and competencies as much as I could.
Nothing impossible if I am willing to put extra effort into it. Bismillah..


Oiya , I'd colored my hair into ombre 1 week ago , I chose brown and red wine mix color. But my mother's didn't like it but idc bcs I'm wearing hijab in every daily activities out of my house 😉.


At this time actually I feel very sad and still don't know how to behave. I'd bickered with my bae , we had a 'cool' fight in this last week. That problem getting more serious bcs we can't do any quality time since holidays had comes ☹ . I hope we can solve that problems as soon as possible.


In this holiday I don't have any plans like others people usually have too , mostly i spent my time to assist my parent's commerce in my house while watching a Korean drama , or do something like washed clothes , cooking, or reading some newspapers to kill my bored feeling. Occasionally I went to library to borrowed some books 📚 and bought myself a spicy Taiwan streets snack in a mall. Alone. Ahahahaha so poor me. My friends sometimes invite me to do some trip but I can't followed them because i must assist my parent's commerce so I can't leave my house for a long time. Once again, poor me ahahahah 😅 .

a lil judgment

I believe everything happens for a reason though. Aku juga percaya bahwa bakal selalu Ada pelajaran yg bisa diambil Dari sebuah peristiwa. Ya, apapun peristiwa nya. Although it's a bad incident, obviously. 


2016 will soon end later in less than 1 week. Kalo di throwback, tahun 2016 Adalah tahun yg lumayan banyak nyumbang highlights di kehidupanku , and also, for ppl around me. Tahun ini beberapa Dari wish list sudah berhasil kucoret dengan bangga. Mendapat gelar ahli madya Perbankan syariah Adalah salah satunya.


Seperti yg sudah aku bilang di awal , aku percaya semua Hal terjadi karena Ada alasannya, wish list2 yang sudah berhasil kucoret juga gak lepas Dari banyak suka duka yg turut serta di balik semua itu. Di tahun ini aku juga mengalami beberapa Hal yg kurang menyenangkan, pressure Dari org2 di sekitarku salah satunya, itu sebabnya sepanjang tahun ini aku terkesan agak Diam dan lebih tertutup sm oranglain terkait masalah yg menyangkutpautkan aku secara pribadi.


Entah kenapa 2016 banyak mendapat rutukan Dari orang lain, entah apa yg salah , tp apabila dirunut Dari awal tahun, timeline social media emg kyknya paling rusuh ya tahun ini. Mulai Dari brexit, lgbt, reklamasi, pilkada Jakarta, Donald trump, imigran cina, isu penistaan agama DLL. Gak banyak yg aku peduliin sebenarnya , tapi lama2 topik2 tsb udah mengarah ke SARA. Bisa dengan gampang Kita lihat orang beradu argumen dimana saja termasuk sosial media, dan udah gak terhitung lagi jumlah pesan2 bernada provokasi yg tanpa sadar akibatnya bisa fatal memecah belah persatuan. Ahhh seriously  I miss my health timeline , I just didn't know why there are so many dumb people around us. Some people are so busy minding others life, they forgot to have one. Entah kenapa tahun ini banyak orang yang memperdebatkan apa yg gak perlu seharusnya diperdebatkan. Masalah keyakinan contohnya, itu Adalah isu yg sangat sensitif dan personal. Entah kenapa banyak yg mempermasalahkannya, believe me , gak bakal ketemu ujungnya, bcs simply since we were birth, there are already many differences between us, fellas..


Dari yg aku amati dan lihat , sebenarnya Kita gakbisa dengan mudah menyalahkan orang lain Tanpa adanya dukungan , iya dukungan, dukungan kalo pendapat yg Kita yakini tuh banyak yg setuju, salah satu Hal termudah untuk mengumpulkan dukungan Adalah dengan melakukan provokasi, yang sialnya, bangsa ini gampang banget diprovokasi oleh pihak2 yg bahkan gakbisa tanggung jawab sama statement nya sendiri. Sengaja ataupun gak sengaja. Beberapa hari yg lalu yg bikin geli sekaligus miris Adalah waktu salah satu akun ask.fm yang kuikuti, nge answer jawaban yg sebenernya niatnya becanda , intinya dia bilang gini eh tau gak guys ternyata om telolet om tuh artinya selamat yahudi loh, om Dari bahasa Bali yg artinya selamat, telolet Dari bahasa Siberian husky artinya yahudi. Siberian husky guys ! Aku ngakak parah 😆. Dan ternyata statement becandaan kyk gitu aja banyak yg percaya lol I still can't believe it XD . Their reactions successfully  made me laugh so much 😆. Entah siapa yg memulai, beberapa jam kemudian di grup WhatsApp Ada aja yg share kalo actually om telolet om itu konspirasi yahudi . Walopun pada akhirnya yg share itu rame2 diketawain masa sih. See? Bikin masyarakat yg suka nelen mentah2 informasi terprovokasi itu sangat..sangat..gampang.


Aku ga akan ngomong dampak buruknya di postingan ini, tapi sisi baiknya adalah eventually banyak yg udah sadar akan Hal ini sekarang, and they spread the positive impact to other people by talking them how dangerous when we're believe the information easily. Emang gak cepet , tapi aku Yakin lama kelamaan bakal lebih banyak orang-orang yg pikirannya terbuka dan gak gampang nelen informasi provokatif lagi. Cause I think, from all what happened lately in this country, we really need some reasons to hold each other again..keep on process, Indonesians ! 😊

The blame is on me

Since I was being a part of this major, I just want to focus on studying without any regret, without any drama, without any disturbance from-any-source such as people or anything that can make me unfocussed on my study (except Korean drama, obviously J) . i think I must using this limited time which is only 3 semesters with many plan and take any possible opportunities to develop my self. but after I met him, I felt like I’d fail to keep my self’s agreement. i felt that there is butterfly in my stomach, a thumping heartbeat when I met him, but I just could have to packaged that feeling in the name of friendship, because I realized that all of this feeling are totally wrong. I know it’s not a love, it’s just an admiration like..the feeling when you’re amazed to see someone’s manner, his ability to lead his team, his appearance, his mien when he treat you, his way to cheering you up, and his point of view when we were discuss about anything. It’s like a trap that I made by my self. the blame is on me..

Random Thought

I have many dreams like others people have too. After graduated from diploma degree, I continued my level of education on bachelor degree. I should have been taking about 3 semesters to finish this major. I hope that decision is a big step in effort to make my dreams become real.  But.. In the middle of 1^st semester , I felt very suppressed, I’m lack of self assurance and I’m exerting to keep my self esteem high, I was like a woman who can’t be grateful besides anything that Allah’s always gave to me. In that situation there’s just a cliché question in my mind like “what if”, “what if I’m not good enough?”, “what if my best isn’t good enough although I’ve done my part and pray as much as I could?”

Lucky me, finally I could’ve been handling it all and I think that situation is totally normal. My age is already 21 years old now, there are many kinds of things had changed in last several years. I must have more ability to stand by my own feet in the way of solving any problems. I must belief that I’m responsible to my own life.

Someone have ever told to me “habiskan jatah gagalmu selagi muda” , or we can cited a coldplay’s lyric “but if you never try , you’ll never know”. Another way to cheer up your mind when you’re failed on tried something, You should have to bear it a little, just believe, that painful feeling is just a temporary. I think we can get any experience from trial and error. Or simply, we can learn something from people’s experience. Good luck for all of people who never tired on the way to reach those dreams! J